Abraham: An Appropriate Amount of Grief?

Abraham, Kansas City, KS  09/14/05

Abraham: How do you use your imagination?

Guest: I can't imagine not feeling grief if somebody that I love dies. And yet, you seem to be saying, "just get over it."  Is there an appropriate amount of grief? It's gotta be natural. If my dog died, I would just be floored.

Abraham: The perfect amount of grief is none, but you see...

Guest: How do you do that? You have your beloved dog there, and then he's not there and the relationship is different.

Abraham: We're going to go back and address that specifically, but before we do, we want to catch you in the trap that we've laid for you.

Guest: Okay. I'm willing.

Abraham: You're saying grief just seems inevitable under certain circumstances, and we say we know that there are things that are going to happen that are going to make you feel that way, but the emotion, the visceral feeling, that feeling in your body of grief, or fear, or despair, no matter what word you assign to it,  in every single case, it is because of your perception that something bad has happened to which you are having this awful emotional response and over which you have no control.

And we're just wanting to point out to you that while it is absolutely normal to have kneejerk responses to things that are happening, because of course you want that person, or that animal, to be in your experience longer,  you do have the ability to focus your way out of that grief.

We would not to say to anyone that you should not be sad when your mother dies, or when your father dies,  but we do want to say that the reason that you are sad is you've focused yourself in a way that is causing that sadness and you could just as easily focus yourself in a way that isn't so sad.

We watch people around funerals sometimes focusing in a way that brings them to their knees and makes them wail, and sometimes they focus in a way where the whole room laughs where they feel joy even though the circumstances have not changed. And it is that awareness that you can focus yourself...because you see the fear itself, or the negative emotion itself, the reason it feels so awful is, without exception, because of your perception of loss of control. Think about that.

© Abraham Hicks Publications