Abraham: Whose fault, Infidelity? Part 1

Abraham, Boulder, CO  6/5/2005

Guest: Last we spoke on the Mexican Cruise, you said, you know, if I continue knee-jerk responding then I'd continue to have the same outcome.


So I return from the cruise with my fiancé, turn on the printer one afternoon, and it was already in queue, and this really adorable young lady's profile from Match.com popped out, and I moved out. And I kneejerk reacted, yes. And this is what's really hard for me. Because I still can't wrap my brain, my feelings around that the way ppl treat you is more about you, than it is about them; so my girlfriends, who are psychologists, are really angry with you because they think that you are keeping women, or anybody, but it's like a Battered Woman's Syndrome: well, your created it, you created it, you created it.  It's your fault. And that's why the tears now.

Abraham: They are right to be mad at us because we will not tell you something different than we know. IOW, on the one hand you could say that by us saying to you that you are the creator of your own reality could be blame-pointing, or you could say it is empowering. When you're not getting something that you want, and you feel mad at yourself because you're not getting something you want, we can see how uncomfortable that would be,  but how much more uncomfortable is it to believe that it is someone else's creation, and you can't control what they do?

What was it that you were so angry with him about?

Guest: Well, you know, I did want him to be different. There was drug addiction; there was volatility and abuse, and the gambling, and all this stuff. In the beginning...

Abraham: So was this person a match to the perfect relationship that through time that you have launched into your vibrational escrow?

Guest: I focused on the good in the beginning. And then I...

Abraham: And what happened when you were focused upon the good?

Guest: It felt great.

Abe: And beyond how it felt what happened to the relationship?

Guest: Well...

Abraham: IOW, here's where we're getting at. Sometimes people will say to us, "Abraham, I want a partner, and I want a partner now."  And we say, is that...Stay with us, we're really going to get to where you want to go. We can feel you tuning away, because you think we're dragging you away from where you want to go... But we are just preparing the basis to drag you to where you don't want to go. (audience laughter.)

Some people will say, "But Abraham, I want my partner and I want my partner now." And we say well,  if the now factor is the most important thing to you, and you really emphasize that in your vibration, the Universe is going to match you up quickly, but it will match you up quickly with what's active in your vibration right now. So if you've had past hurts, or past things that you don't like that are still active in your vibration, and you insist that the relationship come now now now now now, when it gets there while you might be thrilled that it came now, as you begin to sort through it, it may not be exactly what you are looking for.

So then we say, as you approach or evaluate some partner, they are multi-faceted, many components. You could become so pure in your vibration of expecting to get from this person what you've been telling the Universe all along that you want,  that if the universe has delivered this person to you, and if your vibration is really in alignment with what you want, this person must be a vibrational match to what you want.

Now people say, "Well, where does free will come in? What if that person doesn't want to be like that?" We say then the Universe would not have brought you together. But what happens is, most of you have got your vibration going all over the place, so it's sort of like a  grab bag of potential experiences that you can have with most people. And so there are things that you love about relationships, and things you hate about relationships,  but we would not have moved out for this reason: we want to say to you in this powerful, powerful way, that if there was so much there that you were feeling satisfied with, and if you could have trained your own vibration into alignment with the parts of that relationship that you like the most,  you could have this wonderful relationship with those parts of this person, but where it gets screwy is...

It's sort of like coming to Boulder and having a wonderful meal at this restaurant next door, and having a good time at a seminar, or wherever, and then being angry with the City of Boulder that every aspect of it could not meet your expectations. And we say, well, the City of Boulder is a diverse place, and so why not just find the parts of it that you do resonate with and live in those parts? But relative to a city you never say, "No, the rest of the city of needs to clean up its act, so that it all pleases me."

We know where you are going with this and we know where your psychologist friends are going with it, and we know where most of the female population, and a small part of the male population on the planet, is going with this, and that is "I should own this person. He should not have thoughts that are other than me. He should not have interests that are outside of me. He should make a commitment only to me."

It is illogical to expect any other human to come wholly to you, and if you could just be thrilled with the parts that are coming to you, larger and larger parts would come to you, but it's defying the Laws of the Universe to want to completely own anyone.

Guest: I so don't feel that I wanted to own him. And..

Abe: Then why did it upset you when a piece of paper came out of a printer that showed...

Guest: It was a culmination of, as I mentioned drug addiction, and abuse, and gambling.  I wanted to look anywhere else...(sic)

Abe: So where are you at here with this?

Guest: I'm heartbroken. I know that I failed myself. I failed him.

Abe: Heartbroken because... I fell in love with parts of a person who had other parts I couldn't fall in love with. You hear that? He needed to be different for me to fall in love with all of the parts of him. Well, how disempowering is that?

Continued with Part 2.


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