Abraham on Divorce and Being a Happy Family Living Apart

Guest: Hi. I have a situation with my former husband I thought that would get better as a result of the divorce, but it seems to be getting increasingly worse, and I have a very hard time overcoming these resentment feelings that I have towards him - though we have made lots of alterations so that we don't even have to see each other. Nonetheless...

Abraham: Well, how do you feel, in general terms, about the idea of a divorce, not necessarily yours, but anyone's? How does the idea of divorce hit you when you first think about it?

Guest: I have mixed feelings. I think that it's painful, but that it could be an extremely positive thing in that it enables people to move on into happiness that could not be reached within the marriage.

Abraham: Most people still feel, even in your evolved and moving forward society, that it is better not to divorce than to divorce. In other words, most people equate divorce with some sort of a failure, as some sort of a breaching of a promise that was made.

In other words, they don't say, I'm going to the market and I'm going to get gas, and I'm going to get a divorce. They don't put it into that sort of category. They call it one of those life altering things that I prayed about, and I suffered about, and I got counseling about, and they make it a very big thing.

And what we notice with most people, not all, but most, is that when they are contemplating a divorce, or a separation of a relationship, or after they have done it, because part of them feels that they should not have done it, then they spend quite a big amount of time justifying the reasons for having done it. So they don't get on with that better life that they hoped for, instead, they hold themselves in vibrational bondage, so to speak, by continuing to activate their reasons of justification about leaving.

So even though they want to feel better, they keep justifying or defending why they left which holds them in a sort of vibrational quagmire. Again, it's that same sort of chaotic vibration that you have to clean up before you can start feeling better. When you said, I have mixed feelings about it, we want to say, "Alright, pick one, and make it the right feeling."

IOW are you noticing a pattern here? I have mixed feelings about this, on the one hand I think it was a good thing that I did it, and on the other hand, it was upsetting to my family and for me, it was probably the best thing, but my mate is having a hard time moving on, or whatever, and so just pick: I've made the decision and I've done this and it was a good thing for me to do for these reasons. And as you look for the positive aspects of what you have done, instead of for the defending reasons of why you've done it... what happens is your vibration clears up and then it gets better and better and better.

Guest: This has to do with our children. This is the only reason why we have to stay in contact with each other. And there is huge disagreements (sic) about the children.

Abraham: Well, we want to give you something that you may not have considered. Every relationship, whether you like it or not, or whether you know it or not, every relationship is eternal. And so just like that stuff that we were talking about that has a vibration, all of these people -- even your children, your children have the activated vibration of both of their parents within them. In other words, their relationship with each of you is always active, and so for you to think that you can put enough distance, or enough time, between you and someone you've been with in that way, you cannot ever, you just have to accept that it is an eternal relationship, and stop trying to sever it the way that you tried to sever it by divorce.

IOW, that's the thing that goes so wrong with with most people who attempt divorce is they attempt the impossible. They say, we'll get legal documents, we'll get the judge to declare us separated. And we say you can't get separated from somebody like that. You're not really separated from the person you met in the elevator for a while, there's vibrational merging that has taken place, you see, so stop trying to accomplish the impossible,

Instead say, "Alright, we have this relationship. Not we had a relationship,  not we had a marriage, but we have a relationship, and now I am going to approach this relationship in the way that serves me best which means I'm going to think the thoughts that feel best to me about this relationship.

Can you feel the difference? We want to teach you to soothe your energy because we know, we have an aerial view, we see all the stuff you want; we see it all lined up outside your door, and we know all we need to do is help you to soothe yourself, and the stuff you want will come in.

We're not trying to soothe you so that you'll get back together with him, we're trying to soothe you so you can get back together with you. IOW, you can't think mean thoughts about somebody -- no matter how justified they are -- without separating you from Who You Are because that's not Who You Are. You're a lover even if they don't deserve it. You're an unconditional lover even if they don't deserve it, you see.

Almost all of you are offering your thoughts, and your words, and your actions, because you're still trying to defend the action that you took which you are still trying to justify. And we want to say to you, you don't have to justify it. You made the right decision. It's alright that this divorce has happened, now just get back together with you, and you're going to discover, maybe not right away, but eventually, that it's a lot easier on you to love this person, and it will be a lot easier on your children for you to love this person.

We were visiting with a woman recently who had an upheaval with her brother. And to hear her tell it, it was all his fault. But the longer she talked, the longer you could see, he shoved her a little, and she shoved him, and he shoved her, and she shoved him. And before long neither one of them were even close to Who They Are and they both blamed each other for how they were feeling.

You just gotta bring yourself back into vibrational alignment and when you do, not that your family will come back together, in the way it did physically, but you will back into alignment with yourselves individually, and then you'll be a happy family that no longer lives together.

What you really want is to live happily apart, not just to "Be Apart" and live however that turns out. You want to be happy first, and apart. Or happy first, and together, but happy is what matters you see.

And you've got control about that, really, you do.

Guest: Thank you.

Abraham: Yes, indeed.

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