Whose fault, the infidelity Part 2

Abraham, Boulder, CO  6/5/2005

Continued from Part 1.

Guest (rambling a bit): It's just baffling. I'm trying to get clarity here in that you say, on the one hand, how someone treats you is about you so much more than it is about them. So, maybe he wasn't violent with anyone else, that was my fault. (Snort). And yet, our wedding vows are to be "we'll see how it goes, good feels good, bad feels bad, un, we'll just see how it goes." But then if we focus on one thing out of 6000 that is good, 6000 things that aren't good, then all the other thing will drop away.

Abe: So are you telling us that you met someone who had one good quality in 6000 bad qualities and you developed a relationship with this person?

Guest: Okay, I'm being dramatic.  I tried to focus on the good. But that went away when we got him sober, quite frankly, this chemistry, and earth shattering sex, and yadda yadda yadda. There was more than that. It was an adventure. It was thrilling. It was all these things, and... (exasperated sigh).

Abe: So why are you heartbroken?

Guest: Because I've feel I've let myself down.

Abe: But why are you heartbroken? When you use the word "heartbroken" it's particularly pointed, what's it pointed at?

Guest: Because I want this love that I dream. And I couldn't give it to him, unconditionally; I couldn't love him through it.

Abe: But hear what you're saying. What you're saying is over time I've created what I consider to be the perfect relationship and it's out here being held for me in vibrational escrow. And I so wanted this person to be that, and he wasn't. So we want to say to you in very logical terms, so he's only one in a few million who aren't it, but that doesn't mean that it cannot still come to be.  So why the self-torture about him not matching your dream?

Guest: Because we create it all and I was very arrogant before I met him. I thought I'm with Abraham. I understand this that and the other. I've got it going on. And yet, I called this in? Hello? Sigh. Where do I go from here?

Abe: Well, It's just part of that post-manifestational awareness that we were talking about. IOW, sometimes you have to have an experience to clarify. Do you think that through the experience that what's being held for you in Vibrational Escrow is even shaper and clearer than it was before? Did you do any amending during this experience? So don't you think that now your future reality has even more potential to please you than it did before because of this experience?

IOW, this is what we were talking about earlier, and you are the quintessential example of the reason that we say it. We want so much for you to make peace with where you are. And instead of making peace with where you are, you are beating up on who you are. You're saying, "I did something wrong. I should have known better."

And we say how do you figure anything out if it is not through the exposure to the experience? And so all that happened in this episode of your life is that you you wanted your dream relationship so much that you made a decision based on action without really taking the emotional journey in a full way. And there's no problem with doing that because all that happened as it unfolded was that it showed to you  that this wasn't a perfect match.

That would be like Jerry and Esther from Phoenix on their way to San Diego and taking a wrong turn and heading off into the desert, and then being so mad at themselves that they headed off into the desert that they don't feel worthy of correcting their course and ever getting back to San Diego - just spinning around out in the desert endlessly and saying, "We're so bad. We should have known better. How did we do this stupid thing?"

And we would say instead of beating up on yourself and running around in circles 'til you run out of gas or water, why not get hold of the map? Why not figure out what it is that you want? Why not get headed back in the direction of what you want?

And that's where making peace with yourself comes in. What you want to begin saying is, "Hey, I did the best that I knew how to do then. And I was so eager. He did sort of trick me. He did pretend to be the person that I really wanted him to be. And I let my head lead me, rather than my gut lead me. I let what I wanted be stronger than what I knew.  I felt reservations. I felt plenty of reservations, but I so wanted this to be the one that I disregarded my reservations, and I went along with it only to discover that when you disregard reservations, and there's really a reason for the reservation, the reason for the reservations gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger."

Because when there is vibrational variance between who I am and what I say I want and what and what I am allowing myself to have or be or do in this moment, my guidance system is always telling me that, so we can understand how you might be saying to us, I am a little upset that I didn't follow my guidance better. And we say how do you think anyone figures how to follow their guidance? You watch a baby walk and fall down you don't say "get up you little dummy." (laughter). You appreciate the effort and you know that he'll gain his balance. In time, he'll be running and having a good time.

And so when you don't go exactly the way you want to go, you gotta stop saying, "You stupid, little dummy." You gotta start saying, "Hey, that was interesting. Hmmm. Now I understand more clearly what those feelings were about and once it manifested,  I can see the vibrational matches and I just wanted so much to be a deliberate creator and I want so much to get it right and I wanted I wanted so much to get this one thing right that I've wanted for so long."

And we say, you never get it done, and you cannot get it wrong. So you had some experiences that were uncomfortable. We understand that and we do not wish uncomfortable experiences on you. But what we do know is that you've gotta give yourself a break and say, "Hey, I attracted that to me because it was active in my vibration in some way  and now I got the full dose of what was active in my vibration. I think I'm going to do a little cleaning up of my vibration before I let the next one in, you see.


© Abraham-Hicks Publications

Abraham: Whose fault, Infidelity? Part 1

Abraham, Boulder, CO  6/5/2005

Guest: Last we spoke on the Mexican Cruise, you said, you know, if I continue knee-jerk responding then I'd continue to have the same outcome.


So I return from the cruise with my fiancé, turn on the printer one afternoon, and it was already in queue, and this really adorable young lady's profile from Match.com popped out, and I moved out. And I kneejerk reacted, yes. And this is what's really hard for me. Because I still can't wrap my brain, my feelings around that the way ppl treat you is more about you, than it is about them; so my girlfriends, who are psychologists, are really angry with you because they think that you are keeping women, or anybody, but it's like a Battered Woman's Syndrome: well, your created it, you created it, you created it.  It's your fault. And that's why the tears now.

Abraham: They are right to be mad at us because we will not tell you something different than we know. IOW, on the one hand you could say that by us saying to you that you are the creator of your own reality could be blame-pointing, or you could say it is empowering. When you're not getting something that you want, and you feel mad at yourself because you're not getting something you want, we can see how uncomfortable that would be,  but how much more uncomfortable is it to believe that it is someone else's creation, and you can't control what they do?

What was it that you were so angry with him about?

Guest: Well, you know, I did want him to be different. There was drug addiction; there was volatility and abuse, and the gambling, and all this stuff. In the beginning...

Abraham: So was this person a match to the perfect relationship that through time that you have launched into your vibrational escrow?

Guest: I focused on the good in the beginning. And then I...

Abraham: And what happened when you were focused upon the good?

Guest: It felt great.

Abe: And beyond how it felt what happened to the relationship?

Guest: Well...

Abraham: IOW, here's where we're getting at. Sometimes people will say to us, "Abraham, I want a partner, and I want a partner now."  And we say, is that...Stay with us, we're really going to get to where you want to go. We can feel you tuning away, because you think we're dragging you away from where you want to go... But we are just preparing the basis to drag you to where you don't want to go. (audience laughter.)

Some people will say, "But Abraham, I want my partner and I want my partner now." And we say well,  if the now factor is the most important thing to you, and you really emphasize that in your vibration, the Universe is going to match you up quickly, but it will match you up quickly with what's active in your vibration right now. So if you've had past hurts, or past things that you don't like that are still active in your vibration, and you insist that the relationship come now now now now now, when it gets there while you might be thrilled that it came now, as you begin to sort through it, it may not be exactly what you are looking for.

So then we say, as you approach or evaluate some partner, they are multi-faceted, many components. You could become so pure in your vibration of expecting to get from this person what you've been telling the Universe all along that you want,  that if the universe has delivered this person to you, and if your vibration is really in alignment with what you want, this person must be a vibrational match to what you want.

Now people say, "Well, where does free will come in? What if that person doesn't want to be like that?" We say then the Universe would not have brought you together. But what happens is, most of you have got your vibration going all over the place, so it's sort of like a  grab bag of potential experiences that you can have with most people. And so there are things that you love about relationships, and things you hate about relationships,  but we would not have moved out for this reason: we want to say to you in this powerful, powerful way, that if there was so much there that you were feeling satisfied with, and if you could have trained your own vibration into alignment with the parts of that relationship that you like the most,  you could have this wonderful relationship with those parts of this person, but where it gets screwy is...

It's sort of like coming to Boulder and having a wonderful meal at this restaurant next door, and having a good time at a seminar, or wherever, and then being angry with the City of Boulder that every aspect of it could not meet your expectations. And we say, well, the City of Boulder is a diverse place, and so why not just find the parts of it that you do resonate with and live in those parts? But relative to a city you never say, "No, the rest of the city of needs to clean up its act, so that it all pleases me."

We know where you are going with this and we know where your psychologist friends are going with it, and we know where most of the female population, and a small part of the male population on the planet, is going with this, and that is "I should own this person. He should not have thoughts that are other than me. He should not have interests that are outside of me. He should make a commitment only to me."

It is illogical to expect any other human to come wholly to you, and if you could just be thrilled with the parts that are coming to you, larger and larger parts would come to you, but it's defying the Laws of the Universe to want to completely own anyone.

Guest: I so don't feel that I wanted to own him. And..

Abe: Then why did it upset you when a piece of paper came out of a printer that showed...

Guest: It was a culmination of, as I mentioned drug addiction, and abuse, and gambling.  I wanted to look anywhere else...(sic)

Abe: So where are you at here with this?

Guest: I'm heartbroken. I know that I failed myself. I failed him.

Abe: Heartbroken because... I fell in love with parts of a person who had other parts I couldn't fall in love with. You hear that? He needed to be different for me to fall in love with all of the parts of him. Well, how disempowering is that?

Continued with Part 2.


© Abraham Hicks Publications

Abraham on Divorce and Being a Happy Family Living Apart

Guest: Hi. I have a situation with my former husband I thought that would get better as a result of the divorce, but it seems to be getting increasingly worse, and I have a very hard time overcoming these resentment feelings that I have towards him - though we have made lots of alterations so that we don't even have to see each other. Nonetheless...

Abraham: Well, how do you feel, in general terms, about the idea of a divorce, not necessarily yours, but anyone's? How does the idea of divorce hit you when you first think about it?

Guest: I have mixed feelings. I think that it's painful, but that it could be an extremely positive thing in that it enables people to move on into happiness that could not be reached within the marriage.

Abraham: Most people still feel, even in your evolved and moving forward society, that it is better not to divorce than to divorce. In other words, most people equate divorce with some sort of a failure, as some sort of a breaching of a promise that was made.

In other words, they don't say, I'm going to the market and I'm going to get gas, and I'm going to get a divorce. They don't put it into that sort of category. They call it one of those life altering things that I prayed about, and I suffered about, and I got counseling about, and they make it a very big thing.

And what we notice with most people, not all, but most, is that when they are contemplating a divorce, or a separation of a relationship, or after they have done it, because part of them feels that they should not have done it, then they spend quite a big amount of time justifying the reasons for having done it. So they don't get on with that better life that they hoped for, instead, they hold themselves in vibrational bondage, so to speak, by continuing to activate their reasons of justification about leaving.

So even though they want to feel better, they keep justifying or defending why they left which holds them in a sort of vibrational quagmire. Again, it's that same sort of chaotic vibration that you have to clean up before you can start feeling better. When you said, I have mixed feelings about it, we want to say, "Alright, pick one, and make it the right feeling."

IOW are you noticing a pattern here? I have mixed feelings about this, on the one hand I think it was a good thing that I did it, and on the other hand, it was upsetting to my family and for me, it was probably the best thing, but my mate is having a hard time moving on, or whatever, and so just pick: I've made the decision and I've done this and it was a good thing for me to do for these reasons. And as you look for the positive aspects of what you have done, instead of for the defending reasons of why you've done it... what happens is your vibration clears up and then it gets better and better and better.

Guest: This has to do with our children. This is the only reason why we have to stay in contact with each other. And there is huge disagreements (sic) about the children.

Abraham: Well, we want to give you something that you may not have considered. Every relationship, whether you like it or not, or whether you know it or not, every relationship is eternal. And so just like that stuff that we were talking about that has a vibration, all of these people -- even your children, your children have the activated vibration of both of their parents within them. In other words, their relationship with each of you is always active, and so for you to think that you can put enough distance, or enough time, between you and someone you've been with in that way, you cannot ever, you just have to accept that it is an eternal relationship, and stop trying to sever it the way that you tried to sever it by divorce.

IOW, that's the thing that goes so wrong with with most people who attempt divorce is they attempt the impossible. They say, we'll get legal documents, we'll get the judge to declare us separated. And we say you can't get separated from somebody like that. You're not really separated from the person you met in the elevator for a while, there's vibrational merging that has taken place, you see, so stop trying to accomplish the impossible,

Instead say, "Alright, we have this relationship. Not we had a relationship,  not we had a marriage, but we have a relationship, and now I am going to approach this relationship in the way that serves me best which means I'm going to think the thoughts that feel best to me about this relationship.

Can you feel the difference? We want to teach you to soothe your energy because we know, we have an aerial view, we see all the stuff you want; we see it all lined up outside your door, and we know all we need to do is help you to soothe yourself, and the stuff you want will come in.

We're not trying to soothe you so that you'll get back together with him, we're trying to soothe you so you can get back together with you. IOW, you can't think mean thoughts about somebody -- no matter how justified they are -- without separating you from Who You Are because that's not Who You Are. You're a lover even if they don't deserve it. You're an unconditional lover even if they don't deserve it, you see.

Almost all of you are offering your thoughts, and your words, and your actions, because you're still trying to defend the action that you took which you are still trying to justify. And we want to say to you, you don't have to justify it. You made the right decision. It's alright that this divorce has happened, now just get back together with you, and you're going to discover, maybe not right away, but eventually, that it's a lot easier on you to love this person, and it will be a lot easier on your children for you to love this person.

We were visiting with a woman recently who had an upheaval with her brother. And to hear her tell it, it was all his fault. But the longer she talked, the longer you could see, he shoved her a little, and she shoved him, and he shoved her, and she shoved him. And before long neither one of them were even close to Who They Are and they both blamed each other for how they were feeling.

You just gotta bring yourself back into vibrational alignment and when you do, not that your family will come back together, in the way it did physically, but you will back into alignment with yourselves individually, and then you'll be a happy family that no longer lives together.

What you really want is to live happily apart, not just to "Be Apart" and live however that turns out. You want to be happy first, and apart. Or happy first, and together, but happy is what matters you see.

And you've got control about that, really, you do.

Guest: Thank you.

Abraham: Yes, indeed.

(More Abe-Hicks Blog Posts here or see their Amazon Store here.)



© Abraham Hicks Publications

Esther's Recurring Lackful Relationship Dream

Abraham-Hicks, excerpt from G-10/16/93

Esther kept having a recurring dream. For many years after she and her mate were together, she dreamed that she could not find him. She thought she knew where he was but she couldn't find him. She knew the number where he could be reached but when she would dial it, it wouldn't ring. Her fingers would punch right through the phone , the telephone would turn into cheese or something. Or it would ring it would ring and he couldn't hear.

It was just a variety of things keeping them from connecting. And when Esther started to interact with Abraham she said "Abraham is this dream about all that time before I found him? All these years I was looking for him and had not found him?"

And we said No, your dream is current, your dream is about your NOW!! And Esther said "What do you mean?" and we said in your wanting of this delicious relationship - again we keep wanting to come back to every subject being two subjects- in your awareness of what you are wanting, you spend more time thinking about the absence of it.

And when Esther thought about it she realized that was accurate. She worried that he would get run over. She worried that he would stop loving her. She worried that he would find someone he loved more. In other words, even though it was her very passionate, strong, ever present desire that this relationship would last forever, more than 50 percent of her thoughts were upon what would happen if it didn't.

Because she didn't know about flowing energy. In other words, she was still believing that its about fate or chance or luck or circumstances. So she was feeling lucky that she had him, but not sure that she could hold onto him!! You see what we are talking about?

And so when we said to Esther you have been projecting so much lackful thought relative to this relationship Your dream ... your inner being is showing you a probable future where you won't know where he is! A probable future where your negative lackful vibration is going to create something you do NOT want.

So with this story we think you are hearing what we are saying. What you are wanting to do is as we said earlier several times today. You are wanting to think about this relationship that you want and feel good about it at the same time. So that instead of it evoking from you a yearning lonely feeling, you are wanting the thought of it to evoke a feeling of ecstasy , a feeling of empowerment . And when you are able to shift the way you feel about it, it is our promise to you, you will then allow into your experience that which you are wanting.

© Abraham-Hicks Publications

In Love = In the Vortex

Abraham- Los Angeles, CA 09/06/09 (Hat tip to David on Yahoo Groups.)

Guest: My wife says I'm "different".... We're each other's best friend, we do love each other, but she's just not 'in love' with me anymore. Something has shifted and I don't know what.

Abraham: That "in love" thing is not what people think it is. First of all, no one is ever 'in love', unless they're in the Vortex. Never. Because in the Vortex is connected with Source.

So what happens is, you're young, you're more carefree, or you're distracted from stuff that's bothering you, by each other, so you inspire each other into the Vortex. "Ahh! Aha!" You're in the Vortex and you're looking at each other, and there's all that physical good stuff. And there you are in the Vortex, in the Vortex, in the Vortex, "In Love, In Love, In Love."

And then, you step into life, and you're out of the Vortex and you say, "You don't love me anymore, I don't feel the same way." And we say, it has nothing to do with THEM, it has to do with whether you're in the Vortex or out of the Vortex, in the Vortex or out of the Vortex.

That feeling of 'in love' is that feeling of 'in alignment' as you hold someone as the positive object of attention, you see.

© Abraham-Hicks Publications

Hate Men? Or Women...but still want a relationship? Good Luck.

Excerpt from Abraham's latest book "The Vortex"- p. 91

She Wants Someone, But Not That One

Jerry: Okay, so what would you say about a woman who seems to feel good about herself, who continues to express her desire for a mate, but who disqualifies them, one by one, as the parade of men moves through her experience?

Abraham: Her desire for a mate keeps the men coming, but her belief in bad relationships causes her to push them away. And her attention to unwanted characteristics makes it impossible for the characteristics that she desires to come her way.

If she is continually focusing upon what she does not like in the men coming to her, her chronic attention to the lack in others is keeping her from being in alignment with Who She Really Is, and under those conditions, she cannot be feeling good about herself or about anyone.

Finding lack in others is not the path to liking what you see in yourself.

If you are a person who has trained yourself to look for positive aspects, you will find them in yourself as well as in others. If you are a person who has trained yourself to look for negative aspects, you will find them in yourself as well as in others. Therefore, it is always accurate to say that no one who is critical of others really likes themselves. It defies Law. Whenever you see those who are very critical of others, you are actually seeing people who do not like themselves.

© Abraham-Hicks Publications

Co-Dependent vs Independent Relationships

Abraham-Hicks, Kansas City, MO 9/15/04-B

It is possible for you to be selfishly oriented and care about someone else at the same time, but you can't let what they want matter more to you than what you want, or you are going to get out of balance. Then that's where you start sacrificing, which lays the groundwork for resentment.

Then you find yourself in an adult relationship, like so many adults who have parents and parents who have adult children, and none of them even like each other because their relationship is based on sacrifice and resentment instead of upon balance and alignment and self-sufficiency.

[snip]

Someone who really wants to help really enjoys a needy friend, sort of a nice balance. "I like to help and you like to be helped, so we get along really good together."

But most of you have to acknowledge that the people who make your heart sing the most are those independent, self sufficient beings who aren't dependent upon you for their joy.

When someone says to you, "You need to do something so I can feel better", if there is only one of them, you might take them in as a friend. But if you get a handful of them, then you've got a burdensome crowd hanging around you.

© Abraham-Hicks Publications

Divorce and Children w/ Disabilities Part 3

Abraham-Hicks, Ft. Collins, CO 6-17-06

(Continued from Part 2 and Part 1.)

Abraham (to a divorcing mother - one of whose children has Cerebral Palsy):

And so, the thing that most often happens in divorce is that... it's sort of the thing where you'd rather be right than feel good? And, oh, much of your world cares more about being right. You get together in factions, and you try to get together in numbers, and you try to influence this with your numbers and that with your number.

All along taking all of that action and not going with the flow, and so even though you might be on top of the pile in terms of comparison with other humans you are a far cry from alignment with Who You Are. And so, you see masses of people that are so sure that they are right and in their rightness it is evident that they are nowhere near alignment with Source Energy.

And so, as you as a parent or as a mentor, as anybody who cares about anybody, or as anybody who cares about themselves, as you remind yourself, and then teach yourself, through effort - we know it takes it - to reach for the better feeling thought, and reach for the better feeling thought, and reach for the better feeling thought, what begins to happen is you come into alignment with Who You Are much easier than you think. And in that alignment your timing is good; the things that you say are right on target. In other words, and then you get in synch with the knowledge that these children have not yet forgotten. What a powerful combination that is, you see.

And so then, they go off to see their father, let's say. It's their time to be there. And as they do you worry, oh, now it's not going to be as good for them because I am in alignment, or working to be, and he is not.

(cell phone rings.)

Abraham: (ad libs) There he is now. (laughter)

Abraham: I am in alignment, or trying to be...and he is not. And we say, well, what's the worst thing that can happen? They have a comparative experience where now they want more alignment. And now they have an opportunity through your words and example to come into alignment.

And wouldn't it be wonderful if they could have a father that by earth standards was doing everything wrong, and they were still able to love him. Wouldn't that be something? If they could have this early experience of not letting something that ordinarily would be your reason for splitting you apart, not split you apart? Doesn't that mean that they would be ready for anything?

So, why would these children come into an environment that had this sort of destiny? And do you know what we mean by "destiny"? In other words, those vibrations were already in the works, so these energies that come forth, why would they come forth and rendevous with that? Because they understood the power of their own Guidance.

Why would a child come forth and live an experience that you are labeling a disease? Why would a child come forth and be less than that perfect child? Because that child is wanting to make the point that we do not have to control the circumstances that it is all about vibration and energy you see. Powerful teaching there.

So when you say, "I just want this child to be whole," we say that's the most whole person you have in your vicinity.

Guest: That's true, she's more clear than anybody I know.

Abraham: She came to make a point. And once she makes it, things may evolve. But as you stand looking at something and saying, "I want that not," and use that as your dramatic example of something that causes you to push hard against, it not only splits up your marriage, it splits up you. And when you're split up, you can't be happy. In other words, you got to come back into alignment.

So, there's nobody out there that can turn enough knobs that can change that condition into something that when you look at it you'll feel better. So what does that mean? You've got to find a way of feeling better without that condition changing. That's the promise you made to each other.

Guest: Thank-you.

(c) Abraham-Hicks Publications

Divorce and Children Part 2

Abraham-Hicks, Ft. Collins, CO 6-17-06

(Continued from Part 1.)

So let's say that you are discussing the children's father, and let's say that you don't feel all that good when you do. Let's say that you have very strong feelings of disempowerment and even anger within you as you approach that subject. And so, what we want to impart to you is that when you speak to your children about their father or about anything when you feel that way, you are presenting to them a contradicted being, a contradicted mother, because the Inner Being Mother is over here in this place of Pure Positive Energy and Love, and you are not. And so what you are offering is something that is really hard to hear. It's like the radio dial that is set on 630 while someone is trying to listen on 98.7. And so your children who are much closer to alignment will hear you better when you are in alignment.

And this is one of the most fascinating things about divorce is that if the children have the benefit of one or the other, it usually isn't both and it's rarely either one, but if the children have the benefit of one of the parents having come into conscious awarness that what they feel matters and this person has deliberately tried to think about that relationship in a way that feels best.... so that at least you're turning and going with the flow.... we're not saying that you have to be all the way over there in Love and Light, but at least you are no longer pushing against that, as you begin to turn and go with the flow, these children who are much more like your Inner Being than they are like you in your disconnected state, will begin to hear you.

They'll begin to hear the reasonable voice of well being that you are speaking and then if they have the benefit of another parent who is not doing that all the more reason for them to have a close up experience...in other words... Don't you find that.... there's a saying that 'you get more flies with honey that you do with vinegar' and isn't it the same sort of thing that as you become more Inner Being like that you will have a much stronger influence for your children.

Do not feel regret that you are a family that is split apart, instead, let your dominant intent be that you do not be a catalyst that splits your children apart, and by that we mean, apart from Who They Really Are. Let them continue to be the dominantly loving, good feeling beings that they are.

(to be continued)

Evolution, in a Long-Term Committed Relationship?

Abraham, The Law of Attraction in Action DVD Series, Episode VII, Disk 1

But we would like you to understand that moving from relationship to relationship to relationship is not the answer and that in fact the true relationship you seek is the relationship with Source. If you will tend to that relationship, if you will care about how you feel, if you will care about seeing this relationship through the eyes of Source, every relationship could be the long-term committed relationship you are talking to and the expansive, growth relationship you're talking about.

It's easy if you don't like something to just throw it away and start over, but you take yourself with you. And whatever went wrong in your last relationship, we promise you will go wrong in this relationship unless you've done something about changing the vibration. And by changing the vibration, we don't mean just go to another person! We mean do something about changing the vibration, and when you change the vibration you'll evoke from this relationship something different just as you would evoke from a new relationship. So whether you stay or go is not the issue. The issue is - am I tending to the relationship between ME and me first? And once I do that, I will find joy wherever I stand.

You can get so good at your alignment that you could have a wonderful relationship with ANYBODY. With anybody! But you have of course, through your physical experience, given birth to all kinds of preferences and those preferences should be met. You should be able to live with the kind of person that you want to! They should look the way you want them to look, they should behave the way you want them to behave. We don't want you to say: "You can behave in any way you want to behave and I'll just joyously bip along and be your doormat and do whatever it is that you want me to do!" That's not what we're saying at all!

The Art of Allowing doesn't mean let the other get away with things that bother you. The Art of Allowing means tuning myself to the point that I'm not bothered and then they CAN'T do things that bother you! Nobody can consistently give you something you do not want unless it is active in your vibration. And if it is active in your vibration you want to blame the other one because it wasn't active in your vibration before you observed their behaviour. But we want you to take control of your own experience by saying "I'm in charge of the way I feel because I'm in charge of where I give my attention." I can see through the eyes of Source or not. It's that simple.

(c) Abraham-Hicks Publications

Seth: It is Unnatural to Harness the Power of Love to Dominate

Seth, The Nature of the Psyche, Sess 774

I am not saying here that any given sexual performance is "wrong," or meaningless, or debased, if it is not accompanied by the sentiments of love and devotion. Over a period of time, however, the expression of sex will follow the inclinations of the heart. These inclinations will color sexual expression, then. To that degree, it is "unnatural" to have sexual desire for someone whom you dislike or look down upon. The sexual ideas of domination and submission have no part in the natural life of your species, or that of the animals. Again, you interpret animal behavior according to your own beliefs.

Dominance and submission have often been used in religious literature in periods when love and devotion were separated from sexuality. They became unified only through religious visions or experiences, for only God's love was seen as "good enough" to justify a sexuality otherwise felt to be animalistic. Instead, the words "domination" and "submission" have to do with areas of consciousness and its development. Because of interpretations mentioned earlier in this book, you adopted a prominent line of consciousness that to a certain extent was bent upon dominating nature. You considered this male in essence. The female principle then became connected with the earth and all those elements of its life over which you as a species hoped to gain power.

(9:47.) God, therefore, became male. The love and devotion that might otherwise be connected with the facets of nature and the female principle had to be "snatched away from" any natural attraction to sexuality. In such a way, religion, echoing your state of consciousness, was able to harness the powers of love and use them for purposes of domination. They became state-oriented. A man's love and devotion was a political gain. Fervor was as important as a government's treasury, for a state could count upon the devotion of its lieutenants in the same way that many fanatics will work without money for a cause.

(Long pause.) Give us a moment... (A one-minute pause at 9:56)

Some people are naturally solitary. They want to live lone lives, and are content. Most, however, have a need for enduring, close relationships. These provide both a psychic and social framework for personal growth, understanding, and development. It is an easy enough matter to shout to the skies: "I love my fellow men," when on the other hand you form no strong, enduring relationship with others. It is easy to claim an equal love for all members of the species, but love itself requires an understanding that at your level of activity is based on intimate experience. You cannot love someone you do not know...

(Session 774 continued here.)


(c) Robert Butts

Monogamy: Is It Natural or Unnatural?

Excerpt from Abraham's latest book "The Vortex"- pp. 136-7

Questioner: Where I'm stuck is on the whole issue of monogamy. That is the way I was raised, and so I assume that that's a value of mine, but I've noticed a lot of pain and fear associated with it. First of all, you have to find someone who wants the same thing, and then you have to control that person's wanting, which is not fun by itself, and . . .

Abraham: Not only is it not fun to attempt to control over another, it is not possible. People often believe that what they really want is just some final ruling on the rightness or wrongness of monogamy so that they could then keep the rule or break the rule, but at least they would know what the rule is. And so, in your societies that rule had moved back and forth many times. It varies today depending upon what part of the world you are living in. But we want you to understand that it was never your intention as you came into the physical from Non-Physical to find one way of living and convince or coerce all others to abide. You understood that the world is big enough to accommodate vast difference in desires, beliefs, and the creation of lifestyles.

Which brings us to the first point of this question: I need to find someone who wants what I want. Coming together with another who is in agreement with the desires that you hold does make for good relationships. And, surely it is obvious that there are enough people with whom you share your planet that it should to be too difficult to find someone who is a match to you and what you want. But the thing that hinders most people - as they are looking to find that other person who matches the things they desire - is that they cannot find that person unless they themselves are a match to their own desires.

People who worry about finding someone who will remain true to them cannot find such a person because the most active thoughts within them are worrisome thoughts of betrayal. People are finding it difficult to find the mate of their dreams not because that person is not out there, but because of their own contradiction to their own desire in the thoughts they offer about the subject every day.

When you consistently offer thoughts about your future relationship that feel good while you think them, that means you are consistently matching the desires that you have discovered as your have lived life. And under those conditions, only someone in agreement with your desires could come to you. Under those conditions, no need for control is necessary.

Questioner: So is it out "natural" nature to have only one relationship over a lifetime? Or is that something that was imposed on use by culture or religion?

Abraham: It was your intent ot interact with many others on many subjects. And whether you choose the subject of sexuality ot be something that you experience with only one, or whether it is something taht you want to experience with more than one, or with many, it is an individual thing. And your ideas about it are continually changing.

(c) Abraham-Hicks Publications

What if One Doesn't Want the Relationship to End?

Excerpt from Abraham's latest book "The Vortex", p. 39-40

Jerry: But what if your desires are really different from those of your mate? What if one of you has decided to bring your relationship to an end and the other wants it to continue?

Abraham: We understand how that may seem like "different desires," but actually there is a powerful mutual desire at the heart of what both people want: the desire to feel better. One believes that the action of separation is the most likely path to feeling better, while the other believes that staying together is the path.

Let us begin this discussion by pointing out another flawed premise, which is a big part of thte basis of confusion on this issue:

Flawed Premise #9: The path to my joy is through my action. When I am feeling bad, I can get to a better-feeling place by taking action. I can focus upon a situation that I think is the reason I am feeling bad, and walk away from it. And once away from it, I will feel better. I can get to what I want by leaving what I don't want.

The positive moments you may have once felt within your relationship were not about the harmony you found with each other (that now seems to be gone), but instead about your own alignment with who-you-really-are. It is true that it is easier for you to be in alignment with yourself when you are not focused upon unwanted things. So a person near you who is pleasing to you can serve as a positive object of attention, causing no distraction from your alignment. But the belief that another person is "making" you happy is incorrect. Your happiness is your natural state of being. The correct understanding is that you are using this currently pleasant person as your reason not to focus yourself away from who-you-really-are; while, in your state of unhappiness, you may be using this currently unpleasant person as your reason to focus yourself away from who-you-are.

Your true happiness happens when you discover that no one other than yourself is responsible for the way you feel. If you believe that others are responsible for the way you feel, you are in true bondage, because you cannot control how they behave or how they feel.

It is natural that you would want to remove yourself from things that do not feel good, but in an inclusion-based Universe that is not possible. You cannot focus upon unwanted things- and therefore activate the unwanted in your Vibration--and get away from it, because the pulling power of the Law of Attraction is stronger than any action that you may offer.

As you walk away from one unpleasant situation, the Law of Attraction will bring another that feels very much like it, and usually quickly. You just cannot get there from there. To get to where you want to be - that place of feeling better - you have to reach for alignment between you and You.

(c) Abraham-Hicks Publications

Abe Classic: When You Both Want Different Things

Abraham-Hicks, St. Petersburg, Florida March 12, 1994

We were visiting with a woman, recently, and she said, “Abraham, what do you do when you want one thing and your mate wants exactly the opposite? How do you ever resolve it? Doesn’t one or the other of you have to give up something that you want?”

And we said, “What’s this about?”

And she said, “My husband is close to retiring and he wants to live in this house for the rest of our lives, and I want to move out of this house and out of this town. And I’m as sure that I want to leave, as he is that he wants to stay.”

We said, “Give us more information. Why do you want to leave?”

She said, "The town is very small. It’s very narrow-minded. There would never be a gathering like this in this town.” She had travelled about 80 miles for the gathering. She said, “I am bored in this town. I don’t have any very close friends in this town. I don’t feel at home in this town. I feel that I’m being smothered in this town.”

We said, “Why does your husband want to stay?”

She said, “Because he’s close to retirement and he knows that our income will diminish, and the house is nearly paid for and he does not want to go out and buy another house in another area. We’ve had this house for many years, so we’d have to pay a lot more for our next house, which means we would owe a lot more, which means our payments would be a lot higher, which means we wouldn’t have the money for the security that we are wanting. And he has done a lot of work around this place. He has the gardens the way he wants them and the garage is organized the way he wants it.”

And we said, “Can you hear what both of you are doing? Both of you, from your predominant place of knowing what you do not want, are trying to make a decision and encourage the other one to go along with it, and you have no power. The Universe is not helping either one of you, so you’re just sort of wallowing in this place of discontent, both of you.

And then we said, in an attempt to bring her from the peripheral, where the issues were about action, to come to the center of the wheel where she is already in harmony with her mate. “Does your mate disagree with you trying to find more uplifting, enlightening seminars like this one?” She said, “No, not at all. He encourages me to go wherever I’m wanting to go, to have those experiences.”

And we said, “Did you have a miserable journey as you left your home and came all this way to this gathering?” She said, “Actually, no, it was one of the better days of my life. It is springtime, everything is beautiful, I had a glorious time on my journey to this place.”

We said, “Are you at odds with your husband’s wanting financial security and Well-being?” She said, “Oh, not at all. I want him to feel financially secure.” We said, “Are you uncomfortable in living in a house that is well organized where the gardens are manicured? Are you uncomfortable with living in a house that is paid for?” “Not at all,” she said, “that’s why I had enough extra money that I could come and do this.”

And as we chatted, a little bit, she began to realize that they are both much more in harmony than they are not in harmony when they got to the deeper, more important issues.

And we said, “Once you find that place of connection, that place of love, that place of appreciation, once you find that place, then, together, in your state of connection, you will be inspired to action—and, moreover, you will be vibrationally in a place of allowing the Universe to deliver to you that which will please both of you out there on the peripheral.”

In other words, in that vibration, more people in her town, that are like she is in her thinking, can begin to gravitate to her. And her mate, in his more connection as a result of their harmony, would find himself feeling more secure, and in his feeling more secure, he might be willing to roam more, he might be willing to go out and explore the world a little more with her.

Pathwork: The Forces of Love, Eros, Sex

Blogger Note: This post is an anomaly - neither Seth, nor Abraham, but material from a woman named Eva Pierrakos called The Pathwork. The style is more formal and "religious" than more current teachings, but I hope the reader will bear with that because the information is valuable.  I have broken it into a few extra paragraphs for easier online readability.

Pathwork Guide, Lecture No. 44 (link accesses .pdf file), 01/15/59

THE FORCES OF LOVE, EROS, AND SEX

Tonight I would like to discuss three particular forces in the universe. These are the love force, as it manifests between the sexes, the erotic force, and the sex force. These are three distinctly different principles, or forces, that manifest on each plane in a different way—from the highest to the lowest. Humanity has always confused these three principles. In fact, it is often ignored that these three separate forces exist and what the differences are. There is so much confusion about this among human beings that it will be quite useful for my friends to hear once how it is in reality.

The sex force is the creative force on any level of existence. In the highest spheres, the same sex force creates spiritual life, spiritual ideas, spiritual concepts and principles as it also does on your earth sphere. But in the lower planes, the pure and unspiritualized sex force creates life as it manifests on that particular sphere, or, let us say, the outer shell or vehicle of the entity destined to live in this sphere.

The erotic force is one of the most potent forces in existence, and it has a great amount of momentum and impact. It is supposed to be the bridge between sex and love, yet it rarely is. In a spiritually highly developed person, the erotic force is used to carry, so to speak, the entity from the erotic experience—which in itself is of short duration—into the permanent state of pure love. The strong momentum of the erotic force alone carries the soul just so far and not further. It is bound to dissolve if the personality does not know how to learn to love, if he or she does not cultivate all the qualities and requirements necessary for true love. Then, and then only, the spark of the erotic force will constantly remain alive. Alone, without love, it cannot. It burns itself out. And this, of course, is the trouble with marriage. Since most people are incapable of pure love, they are also incapable of the ideal marriage.

Eros seems in many ways similar to love. It brings forth impulses in a human being that he would not have otherwise, impulses of unselfishness and affection he might have been incapable of before. This is why eros is so very often confused with love. But it is equally often confused with the pure sex instinct, which also manifests as a great urge.

I would like to show you, my friends, what the spiritual meaning and purpose of the erotic force is, particularly as far as humanity is concerned. Without eros, many people would never experience the great feeling and beauty that is contained in pure love. They would never get the taste of it, and their yearning for love would remain deeply covered in their soul. Their fear of love would constantly remain the stronger urge. 

Eros is the nearest thing to love the undeveloped spirit can experience. It lifts the soul out of her sluggishness, out of mere contentment and vegetation. It causes the soul to surge up, to go out of itself. When this force comes upon the most undeveloped person, he will become able to surpass himself. Even a criminal will feel temporarily, at least towards that one person, a goodness he has never known. The utterly selfish person will, while this feeling lasts, have unselfish impulses. The lazy person will get out of his inertia. The routine-bound person will naturally and without great effort get rid of his static habits, and so on and so forth.  This erotic force will lift the person out of his separateness, be it only for a short time. And this gives the soul a foretaste of unity and teaches the fearful psyche the longing for it; that is, this longing becomes more conscious after the erotic experience. The stronger one has experienced it, the less contentment the soul will find in the pseudosecurity of separateness. During the experience of eros, an otherwise thoroughly self-centered person may even be able to commit a sacrifice. 

So you see, my friends, eros enables the personality to do many things that he is disinclined to do otherwise, things that are closely linked with love. It is easy to see why eros is so often confused with love. Why then is it different from love? Because love is a permanent state in the soul. Love can only exist if, through development and purification, the basis for it is prepared. Love does not come and go at random. But eros does. Eros hits with a sudden force, finding the person often unawares and even unwilling to go through this experience. And only if the soul is prepared to love, has built the foundations for it, will eros be the bridge to that particular form of love as it manifests between the sexes.

Thus you can see how important the erotic force is. Many a human being would never be lifted out of himself, would never see beyond himself, would never be ready for a more conscious search for the breaking down of his own wall of separation unless the erotic force would not “hit” him and get him out of the rut. The erotic experience puts the seed into the soul so that it longs for unity. And unity is the great aim in the plan, for as long as the soul is separate, loneliness and unhappiness must be the result of it. 

The erotic experience enables the personality to long for union with at least one other being. In the heights of the spirit world, union happens with all beings—and thus with God. Therefore, on the earth sphere, the erotic force is a propelling power in itself, regardless of whether or not it is understood in its real meaning, and regardless of the fact that it is often misused and enjoyed while it lasts for its own sake but not utilized to cultivate love in the soul. Then, of course, it peters out. But nevertheless, the effect will inevitably remain in the soul.

Eros suddenly comes to man in certain stages of his life, even to those who are afraid of the apparent risk of the adventure out of their separateness. He who is afraid of his emotions and afraid of life as such will often do anything in his power (subconsciously and ignorantly) to avoid the great experience of unity. Although this fear exists in many, many human beings, there are few, indeed, where there is not some opening in the soul where eros cannot effect it inadvertently. With the fearful soul who resists this life experience, this is good medicine regardless of the fact that sorrow and loss may follow this experience due to other psychological factors too varied to enumerate now. 

However, there are also those who are overemotional, and although they may know other fears of life, they are not afraid of this experience. In fact, the beauty of it is a great temptation to them, and therefore they hunt greedily for it. They look for one subject after another. They are emotionally too ignorant to understand the deep meaning of eros; they are unwilling to learn pure love; they simply use the erotic force for their pleasure; and once it has worn out, they hunt elsewhere. 

This is abuse and cannot remain without effect either. This type of personality will have to make up for this abuse (ignorant as it may have been), just as the overfearful coward will have to make up for trying to cheat life by hiding from it and thus withholding from the soul a valuable medicine if used properly. As I said, with most people of this category, there is a vulnerable point somewhere in the soul through which eros can come in. But there are also a few who have built such a tight wall of fear and pride around their soul that they truly avoid this part of the life experience and so cheat their own development in a certain way. 

This fear might exist because in a former life unhappiness resulted out of this life experience, or perhaps because the soul has greedily abused the beauty of it without building it into love. In both cases, the personality may have resolved to be more careful. If this resolve is too rigid and stringent, the opposite extreme results. In the next incarnation, circumstances will be chosen in such a way that a balance will set in until the soul reaches the harmonious state where no more extreme exists. This applies to all aspects of the personality, thus also regarding this particular subject. In order to approach this harmony, at least to some extent, the proper balance between reason, emotion, and will has to be achieved in the personality.

The erotic experience will often mingle with the sexual urge, but it does not always have to be that way. These three forces—love, eros, and sex—often appear completely separately, while sometimes two mingle. Let us say eros and sex; or eros and love, as much as the soul is capable of; or sex and a semblance of love, again as far as the capacity reaches. Only in the ideal case do all three forces mingle harmoniously.

The pure sex force is utterly selfish. Where sex exists without eros and without love, it is referred to as “animalistic.” Pure sex exists in all living creatures: animals, plants, and minerals. Eros begins with the stage of development where the soul is incarnated as a human being. And pure love is to be found in the higher spiritual realms. This does not mean that the former two do not exist anymore with the higher developed being, but rather that all three blend in harmoniously and are refined, becoming less and less selfish. Nor does this mean that a human being cannot try to attempt this harmonious blend of all three forces.

In rare cases, eros without sex and love exists too, at least for a limited time. It is what is referred to as “platonic love.” But usually, sooner or later, at least with the somewhat healthy person, eros and sex mingle. The sex force, instead of being suppressed, is taken up, so to speak, by the erotic force, and both flow in one current. The more these three forces remain separate, the unhealthier the personality is.

Another possibility, particularly in relationships of long standing, is the combination of a certain kind of love (it cannot be perfect unless all three forces blend together, but let us say the nearest thing to it) and sex, but without eros. There is a certain amount of affection, companionship, fondness, mutual respect, and a sex relationship that is crudely sexual without the erotic spark that has evaporated some time ago. When eros is missing, the sex relationship must eventually suffer. 

Now this is the problem with most marriages, my friends. And there is hardly a human being who is not puzzled by this question of what to do to maintain that spark in a relationship that seems to evaporate the more habit and knowledge of one another sets in. You may not have thought of it in exactly the terms I am using, thinking of three distinct forces; yet you know and sense that something goes out of a marriage that was present at the beginning, this certain spark that is actually eros. You find yourself in a vicious circle and thus think that marriage is a hopeless proposition. No, my friends, it is not, even if you cannot as yet attain the ideal stage.

But let me now tell you about the ideal partnership love between two people. I said already that all three forces have to be represented. With love, you do not seem to have much difficulty, for in most cases one would not marry if there did not exist at least the willingness to love. I will not discuss at this point the extreme cases when a person makes an immature choice. I am discussing the case where the choice is a mature one, and yet one cannot get over the pitfall of time and habit because elusive eros has disappeared. With sex it is the same. The sex force is present in most healthy human beings and may only begin to fade, particularly with women, when eros has left. Men may then seek eros elsewhere. For the sexual relationship must eventually suffer if eros is not maintained. 

And how can you keep eros? That is the big question, my dear ones. And this question I will attempt to answer now. Eros can only be maintained if it is used as a bridge to true partnership in love in its highest sense. And how this is done, we will discuss now. Let us first see what is the main element in the erotic force. When you analyze it, you will find that it is the adventure, the search for the knowledge of the other soul. This desire lives in every created spirit. This inherent life force must bring the entity finally out of separation. Eros strengthens the curiosity to find the other being. As long as there is something new to find in the other soul and as long as you reveal yourself, eros will live. The moment you believe you have found all there is to find and have revealed all there is to reveal, or all you are willing to reveal, eros will leave. It is as simple as that with eros. But where your great error comes in is that you believe there is a limit to the revealing of any soul, yours or another’s. When a certain point of revealing is reached, usually a quite superficial one, one is under the impression this is all there is to it, and one settles down to a placid life without further searching. This far, eros carries you with his strong impact. But after this point is reached, your further will to search the unlimited depths of the other person and voluntarily reveal and share of your own inward search within yourself determines the fact that you have used eros as a bridge to love—which is always determined by your will to learn how to love. 

And in that way, you will maintain the spark of eros contained in your love. Only in this way you will continue to find the other and let yourself be found. There is no limit, for the soul is endless and eternal; a whole lifetime would not suffice to know it. There can never be a point at any time when you know the other soul entirely, nor when you are known entirely. The soul is alive, and nothing that is alive remains static. It changes constantly. It has the possibility to reveal even deeper layers that exist already, apart from any change. The soul is in constant change and movement, as anything spiritual is by its very nature. Spirit means life and life means change. Since soul is spirit, the soul can never be known utterly. If man had the wisdom, he would realize that and make of marriage this marvelous journey of adventure it is supposed to be, forever finding new vistas instead of simply being carried as far as the first momentum of eros. You should use this potent momentum of eros as the propelling force it is to begin with, finding with it and from it the urge to go on further “on your own steam,” so to speak. Then you have brought eros into true love in marriage.

For anyone interested, the rest of lectures, including 44, can be found here.