THE FORCES OF LOVE, EROS, AND SEX
Tonight I would like to discuss three particular forces in the universe. These are the love force, as it manifests between the sexes, the erotic force, and the sex force. These are three distinctly different principles, or forces, that manifest on each plane in a different way—from the highest to the lowest. Humanity has always confused these three principles. In fact, it is often ignored that these three separate forces exist and what the differences are. There is so much confusion about this among human beings that it will be quite useful for my friends to hear once how it is in reality.
The sex force is the creative force on any level of existence. In the highest spheres, the same sex force creates spiritual life, spiritual ideas, spiritual concepts and principles as it also does on your earth sphere. But in the lower planes, the pure and unspiritualized sex force creates life as it manifests on that particular sphere, or, let us say, the outer shell or vehicle of the entity destined to live in this sphere.
The erotic force is one of the most potent forces in existence, and it has a great amount of momentum and impact. It is supposed to be the bridge between sex and love, yet it rarely is. In a spiritually highly developed person, the erotic force is used to carry, so to speak, the entity from the erotic experience—which in itself is of short duration—into the permanent state of pure love. The strong momentum of the erotic force alone carries the soul just so far and not further. It is bound to dissolve if the personality does not know how to learn to love, if he or she does not cultivate all the qualities and requirements necessary for true love. Then, and then only, the spark of the erotic force will constantly remain alive. Alone, without love, it cannot. It burns itself out. And this, of course, is the trouble with marriage. Since most people are incapable of pure love, they are also incapable of the ideal marriage.
Eros seems in many ways similar to love. It brings forth impulses in a human being that he would not have otherwise, impulses of unselfishness and affection he might have been incapable of before. This is why eros is so very often confused with love. But it is equally often confused with the pure sex instinct, which also manifests as a great urge.
I would like to show you, my friends, what the spiritual meaning and purpose of the erotic force is, particularly as far as humanity is concerned. Without eros, many people would never experience the great feeling and beauty that is contained in pure love. They would never get the taste of it, and their yearning for love would remain deeply covered in their soul. Their fear of love would constantly remain the stronger urge.
Eros is the nearest thing to love the undeveloped spirit can experience. It lifts the soul out of her sluggishness, out of mere contentment and vegetation. It causes the soul to surge up, to go out of itself. When this force comes upon the most undeveloped person, he will become able to surpass himself. Even a criminal will feel temporarily, at least towards that one person, a goodness he has never known. The utterly selfish person will, while this feeling lasts, have unselfish impulses. The lazy person will get out of his inertia. The routine-bound person will naturally and without great effort get rid of his static habits, and so on and so forth. This erotic force will lift the person out of his separateness, be it only for a short time. And this gives the soul a foretaste of unity and teaches the fearful psyche the longing for it; that is, this longing becomes more conscious after the erotic experience. The stronger one has experienced it, the less contentment the soul will find in the pseudosecurity of separateness. During the experience of eros, an otherwise thoroughly self-centered person may even be able to commit a sacrifice.
So you see, my friends, eros enables the personality to do many things that he is disinclined to do otherwise, things that are closely linked with love. It is easy to see why eros is so often confused with love. Why then is it different from love? Because love is a permanent state in the soul. Love can only exist if, through development and purification, the basis for it is prepared. Love does not come and go at random. But eros does. Eros hits with a sudden force, finding the person often unawares and even unwilling to go through this experience. And only if the soul is prepared to love, has built the foundations for it, will eros be the bridge to that particular form of love as it manifests between the sexes.
Thus you can see how important the erotic force is. Many a human being would never be lifted out of himself, would never see beyond himself, would never be ready for a more conscious search for the breaking down of his own wall of separation unless the erotic force would not “hit” him and get him out of the rut. The erotic experience puts the seed into the soul so that it longs for unity. And unity is the great aim in the plan, for as long as the soul is separate, loneliness and unhappiness must be the result of it.
The erotic experience enables the personality to long for union with at least one other being. In the heights of the spirit world, union happens with all beings—and thus with God. Therefore, on the earth sphere, the erotic force is a propelling power in itself, regardless of whether or not it is understood in its real meaning, and regardless of the fact that it is often misused and enjoyed while it lasts for its own sake but not utilized to cultivate love in the soul. Then, of course, it peters out. But nevertheless, the effect will inevitably remain in the soul.
Eros suddenly comes to man in certain stages of his life, even to those who are afraid of the apparent risk of the adventure out of their separateness. He who is afraid of his emotions and afraid of life as such will often do anything in his power (subconsciously and ignorantly) to avoid the great experience of unity. Although this fear exists in many, many human beings, there are few, indeed, where there is not some opening in the soul where eros cannot effect it inadvertently. With the fearful soul who resists this life experience, this is good medicine regardless of the fact that sorrow and loss may follow this experience due to other psychological factors too varied to enumerate now.
However, there are also those who are overemotional, and although they may know other fears of life, they are not afraid of this experience. In fact, the beauty of it is a great temptation to them, and therefore they hunt greedily for it. They look for one subject after another. They are emotionally too ignorant to understand the deep meaning of eros; they are unwilling to learn pure love; they simply use the erotic force for their pleasure; and once it has worn out, they hunt elsewhere.
This is abuse and cannot remain without effect either. This type of personality will have to make up for this abuse (ignorant as it may have been), just as the overfearful coward will have to make up for trying to cheat life by hiding from it and thus withholding from the soul a valuable medicine if used properly. As I said, with most people of this category, there is a vulnerable point somewhere in the soul through which eros can come in. But there are also a few who have built such a tight wall of fear and pride around their soul that they truly avoid this part of the life experience and so cheat their own development in a certain way.
This fear might exist because in a former life unhappiness resulted out of this life experience, or perhaps because the soul has greedily abused the beauty of it without building it into love. In both cases, the personality may have resolved to be more careful. If this resolve is too rigid and stringent, the opposite extreme results. In the next incarnation, circumstances will be chosen in such a way that a balance will set in until the soul reaches the harmonious state where no more extreme exists. This applies to all aspects of the personality, thus also regarding this particular subject. In order to approach this harmony, at least to some extent, the proper balance between reason, emotion, and will has to be achieved in the personality.
The erotic experience will often mingle with the sexual urge, but it does not always have to be that way. These three forces—love, eros, and sex—often appear completely separately, while sometimes two mingle. Let us say eros and sex; or eros and love, as much as the soul is capable of; or sex and a semblance of love, again as far as the capacity reaches. Only in the ideal case do all three forces mingle harmoniously.
The pure sex force is utterly selfish. Where sex exists without eros and without love, it is referred to as “animalistic.” Pure sex exists in all living creatures: animals, plants, and minerals. Eros begins with the stage of development where the soul is incarnated as a human being. And pure love is to be found in the higher spiritual realms. This does not mean that the former two do not exist anymore with the higher developed being, but rather that all three blend in harmoniously and are refined, becoming less and less selfish. Nor does this mean that a human being cannot try to attempt this harmonious blend of all three forces.
In rare cases, eros without sex and love exists too, at least for a limited time. It is what is referred to as “platonic love.” But usually, sooner or later, at least with the somewhat healthy person, eros and sex mingle. The sex force, instead of being suppressed, is taken up, so to speak, by the erotic force, and both flow in one current. The more these three forces remain separate, the unhealthier the personality is.
Another possibility, particularly in relationships of long standing, is the combination of a certain kind of love (it cannot be perfect unless all three forces blend together, but let us say the nearest thing to it) and sex, but without eros. There is a certain amount of affection, companionship, fondness, mutual respect, and a sex relationship that is crudely sexual without the erotic spark that has evaporated some time ago. When eros is missing, the sex relationship must eventually suffer.
Now this is the problem with most marriages, my friends. And there is hardly a human being who is not puzzled by this question of what to do to maintain that spark in a relationship that seems to evaporate the more habit and knowledge of one another sets in. You may not have thought of it in exactly the terms I am using, thinking of three distinct forces; yet you know and sense that something goes out of a marriage that was present at the beginning, this certain spark that is actually eros. You find yourself in a vicious circle and thus think that marriage is a hopeless proposition. No, my friends, it is not, even if you cannot as yet attain the ideal stage.
But let me now tell you about the ideal partnership love between two people. I said already that all three forces have to be represented. With love, you do not seem to have much difficulty, for in most cases one would not marry if there did not exist at least the willingness to love. I will not discuss at this point the extreme cases when a person makes an immature choice. I am discussing the case where the choice is a mature one, and yet one cannot get over the pitfall of time and habit because elusive eros has disappeared. With sex it is the same. The sex force is present in most healthy human beings and may only begin to fade, particularly with women, when eros has left. Men may then seek eros elsewhere. For the sexual relationship must eventually suffer if eros is not maintained.
And how can you keep eros? That is the big question, my dear ones. And this question I will attempt to answer now. Eros can only be maintained if it is used as a bridge to true partnership in love in its highest sense. And how this is done, we will discuss now. Let us first see what is the main element in the erotic force. When you analyze it, you will find that it is the adventure, the search for the knowledge of the other soul. This desire lives in every created spirit. This inherent life force must bring the entity finally out of separation. Eros strengthens the curiosity to find the other being. As long as there is something new to find in the other soul and as long as you reveal yourself, eros will live. The moment you believe you have found all there is to find and have revealed all there is to reveal, or all you are willing to reveal, eros will leave. It is as simple as that with eros. But where your great error comes in is that you believe there is a limit to the revealing of any soul, yours or another’s. When a certain point of revealing is reached, usually a quite superficial one, one is under the impression this is all there is to it, and one settles down to a placid life without further searching. This far, eros carries you with his strong impact. But after this point is reached, your further will to search the unlimited depths of the other person and voluntarily reveal and share of your own inward search within yourself determines the fact that you have used eros as a bridge to love—which is always determined by your will to learn how to love.
And in that way, you will maintain the spark of eros contained in your love. Only in this way you will continue to find the other and let yourself be found. There is no limit, for the soul is endless and eternal; a whole lifetime would not suffice to know it. There can never be a point at any time when you know the other soul entirely, nor when you are known entirely. The soul is alive, and nothing that is alive remains static. It changes constantly. It has the possibility to reveal even deeper layers that exist already, apart from any change. The soul is in constant change and movement, as anything spiritual is by its very nature. Spirit means life and life means change. Since soul is spirit, the soul can never be known utterly. If man had the wisdom, he would realize that and make of marriage this marvelous journey of adventure it is supposed to be, forever finding new vistas instead of simply being carried as far as the first momentum of eros. You should use this potent momentum of eros as the propelling force it is to begin with, finding with it and from it the urge to go on further “on your own steam,” so to speak. Then you have brought eros into true love in marriage.
For anyone interested, the rest of lectures, including 44, can be found here.
