Co-Dependent vs Independent Relationships

Abraham-Hicks, Kansas City, MO 9/15/04-B

It is possible for you to be selfishly oriented and care about someone else at the same time, but you can't let what they want matter more to you than what you want, or you are going to get out of balance. Then that's where you start sacrificing, which lays the groundwork for resentment.

Then you find yourself in an adult relationship, like so many adults who have parents and parents who have adult children, and none of them even like each other because their relationship is based on sacrifice and resentment instead of upon balance and alignment and self-sufficiency.

[snip]

Someone who really wants to help really enjoys a needy friend, sort of a nice balance. "I like to help and you like to be helped, so we get along really good together."

But most of you have to acknowledge that the people who make your heart sing the most are those independent, self sufficient beings who aren't dependent upon you for their joy.

When someone says to you, "You need to do something so I can feel better", if there is only one of them, you might take them in as a friend. But if you get a handful of them, then you've got a burdensome crowd hanging around you.

© Abraham-Hicks Publications

To Play like Michael Jordan?

Abraham-Hicks, El Paso, TX 2/17/01

When you watch the replays of your Michael Jordans, or any of them - there are many of them that have talents that you are wanting to experience yourself - as you watch them, ask yourself one question: Where's his mind? What's he thinking? But most importantly, how's he feeling? What's his mood or attitude?

And what you will see, again and again, is, he feels invincible. He feels sure. He has utter confidence. In other words, it's his MOOD. That's what you're wanting to practice when you're watching. Not what's his shot. Not what's his game. Not how he's moved. Not what's happening with the other players around. You're wanting to look into his eyes as the camera gets there, as much as you can, or look into his body behaviour and you're wanting to ask yourself: What's his mood? What does he know, right now? What's he KNOWING, right now?

There's never a particle of uncertainty or anger or belligerence or getting even or blame or doubt or fear. It's all that other stuff, that knowing, that confidence.

Seth Classic: There Are No Accidents

Seth Class, June, 1973 excerpted from Conversations with Seth.

(Slightly modified to fit blog dialogue format.)

Seth: Any accident – and this applies to each of you - is no accident. Your good health or poor health is no accident. All of this has meaning to you.

If you cut your finger, it is no accident. If you stub your toe, it is no accident. If you come down with the flu, or with a virus, it is no accident. If you have a chronic physical difficulty, it is no accident. If you are creative, it is no accident. If you get good news, it is no accident. If lovely things happen to you, it is no accident.

You form your reality. And this applies all the way down the scale from your consciousness that you think of, to the tiniest molecule in Lauren's eye!

Bob (Class Member): I was thinking about my motorcycle accident. It was basically the same thing. It's true that I solved a lot of problems, but I can't help thinking that I could have solved the same problems without doing something so radical.

Seth: Perhaps now you will work out problems at conscious levels. It is only when you are not willing to face consciously your own beliefs, and face them through and make distinctions, that seemingly unconscious accidents occur: when all of a sudden you are not as quick as you should be; or, when all of a sudden, your reactions are not as good when a car comes that should not be there.

Each of you has your own way, and an event that seems horrendous from the outside-from the inside, from your private viewpoints, may be something else entirely.

[snip]

In nature, there are no accidents. If you accept the possibility of the slightest, smallest, most insignificant accidents, then indeed you open a Pandora's Box, for logically, there cannot be simply one small accident, but a universe in which accidents are not the exception but the rule. A universe in which, therefore, following logically, your consciousness is a combination of an accidental conglomeration of atoms and molecules without reason or cause that will vanish into nonexistence forever even as, indeed, they would have come from nonexistence.

Once you accept, you see, that idea, then if you follow your thought completely enough, you must accept the idea of a random accidental universe, in which you are at the mercy of any accident, in which mind or purpose have little meaning, in which you are at the mercy of all random happenings, in which 300,000 human beings can be swept off the face of the planet without reason, without cause, simply at the whim of an accidental happening.

And if that is the universe in which you believe that you live, then it is a dire and foreboding universe, indeed.

In that universe, the individual has little hope, for he will return to the nonexistence that his random physical creation came from. Following that line of thought, then, if you follow this through, a group of atoms and molecules were accidentally sparked into consciousness and song and then will return to the chaos from which they came; and the individual has no control over his destiny, for it can be swept aside at any point by random fate, over which he has no recourse.

All of this can be related to ordinary life. Whenever you think that you have a headache, simply because you have a headache; or you bump into a door simply because you bump into a door; or you have an accident simply because you happen to be in a particular place at a particular time; whenever you feel yourself powerless, then you think that accidents happen and that you have no control over them. The only answer is to realize that you form physical events, individually and en masse. And as I have said time and time again, you form the physical reality that you know.

Divorce and Children w/ Disabilities Part 3

Abraham-Hicks, Ft. Collins, CO 6-17-06

(Continued from Part 2 and Part 1.)

Abraham (to a divorcing mother - one of whose children has Cerebral Palsy):

And so, the thing that most often happens in divorce is that... it's sort of the thing where you'd rather be right than feel good? And, oh, much of your world cares more about being right. You get together in factions, and you try to get together in numbers, and you try to influence this with your numbers and that with your number.

All along taking all of that action and not going with the flow, and so even though you might be on top of the pile in terms of comparison with other humans you are a far cry from alignment with Who You Are. And so, you see masses of people that are so sure that they are right and in their rightness it is evident that they are nowhere near alignment with Source Energy.

And so, as you as a parent or as a mentor, as anybody who cares about anybody, or as anybody who cares about themselves, as you remind yourself, and then teach yourself, through effort - we know it takes it - to reach for the better feeling thought, and reach for the better feeling thought, and reach for the better feeling thought, what begins to happen is you come into alignment with Who You Are much easier than you think. And in that alignment your timing is good; the things that you say are right on target. In other words, and then you get in synch with the knowledge that these children have not yet forgotten. What a powerful combination that is, you see.

And so then, they go off to see their father, let's say. It's their time to be there. And as they do you worry, oh, now it's not going to be as good for them because I am in alignment, or working to be, and he is not.

(cell phone rings.)

Abraham: (ad libs) There he is now. (laughter)

Abraham: I am in alignment, or trying to be...and he is not. And we say, well, what's the worst thing that can happen? They have a comparative experience where now they want more alignment. And now they have an opportunity through your words and example to come into alignment.

And wouldn't it be wonderful if they could have a father that by earth standards was doing everything wrong, and they were still able to love him. Wouldn't that be something? If they could have this early experience of not letting something that ordinarily would be your reason for splitting you apart, not split you apart? Doesn't that mean that they would be ready for anything?

So, why would these children come into an environment that had this sort of destiny? And do you know what we mean by "destiny"? In other words, those vibrations were already in the works, so these energies that come forth, why would they come forth and rendevous with that? Because they understood the power of their own Guidance.

Why would a child come forth and live an experience that you are labeling a disease? Why would a child come forth and be less than that perfect child? Because that child is wanting to make the point that we do not have to control the circumstances that it is all about vibration and energy you see. Powerful teaching there.

So when you say, "I just want this child to be whole," we say that's the most whole person you have in your vicinity.

Guest: That's true, she's more clear than anybody I know.

Abraham: She came to make a point. And once she makes it, things may evolve. But as you stand looking at something and saying, "I want that not," and use that as your dramatic example of something that causes you to push hard against, it not only splits up your marriage, it splits up you. And when you're split up, you can't be happy. In other words, you got to come back into alignment.

So, there's nobody out there that can turn enough knobs that can change that condition into something that when you look at it you'll feel better. So what does that mean? You've got to find a way of feeling better without that condition changing. That's the promise you made to each other.

Guest: Thank-you.

(c) Abraham-Hicks Publications

Divorce and Children Part 2

Abraham-Hicks, Ft. Collins, CO 6-17-06

(Continued from Part 1.)

So let's say that you are discussing the children's father, and let's say that you don't feel all that good when you do. Let's say that you have very strong feelings of disempowerment and even anger within you as you approach that subject. And so, what we want to impart to you is that when you speak to your children about their father or about anything when you feel that way, you are presenting to them a contradicted being, a contradicted mother, because the Inner Being Mother is over here in this place of Pure Positive Energy and Love, and you are not. And so what you are offering is something that is really hard to hear. It's like the radio dial that is set on 630 while someone is trying to listen on 98.7. And so your children who are much closer to alignment will hear you better when you are in alignment.

And this is one of the most fascinating things about divorce is that if the children have the benefit of one or the other, it usually isn't both and it's rarely either one, but if the children have the benefit of one of the parents having come into conscious awarness that what they feel matters and this person has deliberately tried to think about that relationship in a way that feels best.... so that at least you're turning and going with the flow.... we're not saying that you have to be all the way over there in Love and Light, but at least you are no longer pushing against that, as you begin to turn and go with the flow, these children who are much more like your Inner Being than they are like you in your disconnected state, will begin to hear you.

They'll begin to hear the reasonable voice of well being that you are speaking and then if they have the benefit of another parent who is not doing that all the more reason for them to have a close up experience...in other words... Don't you find that.... there's a saying that 'you get more flies with honey that you do with vinegar' and isn't it the same sort of thing that as you become more Inner Being like that you will have a much stronger influence for your children.

Do not feel regret that you are a family that is split apart, instead, let your dominant intent be that you do not be a catalyst that splits your children apart, and by that we mean, apart from Who They Really Are. Let them continue to be the dominantly loving, good feeling beings that they are.

(to be continued)

The Positive Aspects Divorce Can Have for Chidren

Abraham-Hicks, Ft. Collins, CO 6-17-06

Guest: I think my biggest question has to do with relationships and specifically dealing with divorce and helping increase my children's ability to stay in alignment with Who They Really Are...

Abraham: First thing we'd like to say about children of divorced parents is that they have a wonderful opportunity to, at an earlier age than others, see Law of Attraction responding to different vibrational points of view. And when they have the benefit of someone up close to them that understands that, then they get an earlier opportunity to understand that they have more control over their life than they might have thought.

When children are born into a sort of feathered nest where two other people are doing everything that they can to make everything be just right, their opportunity for contrast and their opportunity to create their own vibrational escrow is slowed down a little bit, and therefore their opportunity to consciously feel the separation between Who They Really Are and who they are allowing themselves to be has more opportunity (pause)... some of those beliefs can become very well entrenched before you become enlightened to your own Guidance System and to that vibrational crevasse between Who You Really Are and what you are doing right now.

So imagine a child who early on is exposed to contrast and has a mentor up close to them who is teaching them that through the power of your thought you can bring yourself into alignment at an early early age, what an advantage that is. IOW, we won't find these children in some environment later on where they are holding to beliefs that are limiting and struggling to break loose of them because they have, at an early age, had an opportunity to understand the power of their own mind and the power of their good feelings.

So, we always say to parents, your children are the teachers because they still remember that All is Well, you see. They're not bucking the current, they're not fighting the flow, they Know That... until you get hold of them really good and train that out of them which most parents, in a well-meaning attitude, derogatorily do.

You can't teach your children through your words, you must teach through the clarity of your own example which means you have a hard job in having lived enough life where you're not easily releasing beliefs and going with the flow of Who You Are but that's the effort that you must make. You must reach for the best feeling thoughts that you can.

(To be continued.)

In Optimism There is Magic.

Abraham -- San Rafael, CA 03/04/98

We're asking you to trust in the well-being. In optimism there is magic. In pessimism there is nothing. In positive expectation there is thrill and success. In pessimism or awareness of what is not wanted, there is nothing.

What you're wanting to do is redefine your relationship with the Stream. We do not ask you to look at something that is black and call it white. We do not ask you to see something that is not as you want it to be and pretend that it is. What we ask you to do is practice moving your gaze. Practice changing your perspective. Practice talking to different people. Practice going to new places. Practice sifting through the data for the things that feel like you want to feel and using those things to cause you to feel a familiar place.

In other words, we want you to feel familiar in your joy, familiar in your positive expectation, familiar in your knowing that all is well, because this Universe will knock itself out giving you evidence of that well-being once you find that place.

(c) Abraham-Hicks Publications