Abe: Is your Mother's depression messing up your vibe?

Abraham, 8/17/02 West Los Angeles, CA

Guest: Hi, Abraham. I wanna ask you about responsibility. My mother, who I have a complicated relationship with, is massively unhappy. Ummm, I keep trying to do things to make her happy, to find ways to guide her to happiness.

Abe: Well, let us ask you a question because this is at the heart of everything. When you think about your mother, what is the most active, dominant vibration within you? “My mother is an unhappy woman? My mother is a happy woman?”

Guest: Unhappy.

Abe: And so you, from that vibration, can offer no guidance to anything else. Because what’s happened is, she’s won. She has presented herself in a way that you’ve observed until you’ve learned your vibration about her, from her. And now you’re reflecting it back to her. And so that’s the part of her that you get to keep rendezvousing with.

And so now, let’s play the game of asking the other questions. When I think about my mother, I see her as more unhappy or more happy?

Guest: More unhappy.

Abe: It’s my job to change the vibration of my mother? It’s not my job to change the vibration of my mother?

Guest: See, that’s where I get, it gets sticky for me.

Abe: It’s my job to change the vibration of my mother? It’s not my job to change the vibration of my mother? Just answer it.

We’re not saying one is right and one is wrong. We just want you to say which. It’s my job to change the vibration of my mother. It’s not my job to change the vibration of my mother.

Guest: I think it’s not my job. But I think the right answer is, that it is my job.

Abe: My mother’s vibration is unchangeable? My mother’s vibration is changeable?

Guest: It’s changeable.

Abe: That was a trap. (Laughter)

Guest: And I fell in it?

Abe: You did, because

Guest: Because I can’t change it?

Abe: Because - well. Because you don’t believe that her vibration is changeable. But you do believe it’s your job to change it.

(Audience - “Oh”) So you’re in this

Guest: You’re good, you know. (Laughter)

Abe: So you’re in this impossible place

Guest: Yea.

Abe: ...you see. And so, which of those do you think would be the easiest outlet for you? In other words, you’re in a jam, you can’t get out. Where is the path of least resistance? It’s not my job to change my mother’s vibration? Or, my mother’s vibration is changeable? [You] can take any way out. Which is the easiest one?

Guest: (Pause)

Abe: Not my job.

Guest: Not my job.

Abe: It’s not my job to change my mother’s vibration. Now let’s go back to more general statements. My life is mostly really good?

Guest: My life is mostly

Abe: Ooooooo, it is

Guest: really good,

Abe: isn’t it?

Guest: really good.

Abe: There are so many things that I can think about that bring me to a good feeling place. And on the occasional moment that I focus upon her, I can take it. Now let’s, let’s start here.

Guest: Yes.

Abe: My mother and her sadness are such a big part of my life, that it’s sucking the life out of me. Or my mother and her problems are not a big part of my life. And I can deal with it when I need to.

Guest: Yea.

Abe: SO STOP BEATING UP ON YOURSELF THAT THERE’S A PIECE OF LIFE EXPERIENCE THAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL - AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE. And say, “Hmmm, maybe I should practice a little unconditional love.” And we’re not talking about unconditional love for your mother. We’re talking about letting yourself off the hook.

Guest: Okay.

Abe: We’re talking about wanting so much to feel good, that you say, “It has to be alright for my mother to be like that. I have to allow my mother to have the experiences that she is having. AND I HAVE TO FIND MY HAPPINESS ANYWHERE I CAN GET IT. And maybe I’ll find some with thoughts about her and maybe I won’t. But for right now, I’m not gonna think about that. I’m not gonna think about that.