Whose fault, the infidelity Part 2

Abraham, Boulder, CO  6/5/2005

Continued from Part 1.

Guest (rambling a bit): It's just baffling. I'm trying to get clarity here in that you say, on the one hand, how someone treats you is about you so much more than it is about them. So, maybe he wasn't violent with anyone else, that was my fault. (Snort). And yet, our wedding vows are to be "we'll see how it goes, good feels good, bad feels bad, un, we'll just see how it goes." But then if we focus on one thing out of 6000 that is good, 6000 things that aren't good, then all the other thing will drop away.

Abe: So are you telling us that you met someone who had one good quality in 6000 bad qualities and you developed a relationship with this person?

Guest: Okay, I'm being dramatic.  I tried to focus on the good. But that went away when we got him sober, quite frankly, this chemistry, and earth shattering sex, and yadda yadda yadda. There was more than that. It was an adventure. It was thrilling. It was all these things, and... (exasperated sigh).

Abe: So why are you heartbroken?

Guest: Because I've feel I've let myself down.

Abe: But why are you heartbroken? When you use the word "heartbroken" it's particularly pointed, what's it pointed at?

Guest: Because I want this love that I dream. And I couldn't give it to him, unconditionally; I couldn't love him through it.

Abe: But hear what you're saying. What you're saying is over time I've created what I consider to be the perfect relationship and it's out here being held for me in vibrational escrow. And I so wanted this person to be that, and he wasn't. So we want to say to you in very logical terms, so he's only one in a few million who aren't it, but that doesn't mean that it cannot still come to be.  So why the self-torture about him not matching your dream?

Guest: Because we create it all and I was very arrogant before I met him. I thought I'm with Abraham. I understand this that and the other. I've got it going on. And yet, I called this in? Hello? Sigh. Where do I go from here?

Abe: Well, It's just part of that post-manifestational awareness that we were talking about. IOW, sometimes you have to have an experience to clarify. Do you think that through the experience that what's being held for you in Vibrational Escrow is even shaper and clearer than it was before? Did you do any amending during this experience? So don't you think that now your future reality has even more potential to please you than it did before because of this experience?

IOW, this is what we were talking about earlier, and you are the quintessential example of the reason that we say it. We want so much for you to make peace with where you are. And instead of making peace with where you are, you are beating up on who you are. You're saying, "I did something wrong. I should have known better."

And we say how do you figure anything out if it is not through the exposure to the experience? And so all that happened in this episode of your life is that you you wanted your dream relationship so much that you made a decision based on action without really taking the emotional journey in a full way. And there's no problem with doing that because all that happened as it unfolded was that it showed to you  that this wasn't a perfect match.

That would be like Jerry and Esther from Phoenix on their way to San Diego and taking a wrong turn and heading off into the desert, and then being so mad at themselves that they headed off into the desert that they don't feel worthy of correcting their course and ever getting back to San Diego - just spinning around out in the desert endlessly and saying, "We're so bad. We should have known better. How did we do this stupid thing?"

And we would say instead of beating up on yourself and running around in circles 'til you run out of gas or water, why not get hold of the map? Why not figure out what it is that you want? Why not get headed back in the direction of what you want?

And that's where making peace with yourself comes in. What you want to begin saying is, "Hey, I did the best that I knew how to do then. And I was so eager. He did sort of trick me. He did pretend to be the person that I really wanted him to be. And I let my head lead me, rather than my gut lead me. I let what I wanted be stronger than what I knew.  I felt reservations. I felt plenty of reservations, but I so wanted this to be the one that I disregarded my reservations, and I went along with it only to discover that when you disregard reservations, and there's really a reason for the reservation, the reason for the reservations gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger."

Because when there is vibrational variance between who I am and what I say I want and what and what I am allowing myself to have or be or do in this moment, my guidance system is always telling me that, so we can understand how you might be saying to us, I am a little upset that I didn't follow my guidance better. And we say how do you think anyone figures how to follow their guidance? You watch a baby walk and fall down you don't say "get up you little dummy." (laughter). You appreciate the effort and you know that he'll gain his balance. In time, he'll be running and having a good time.

And so when you don't go exactly the way you want to go, you gotta stop saying, "You stupid, little dummy." You gotta start saying, "Hey, that was interesting. Hmmm. Now I understand more clearly what those feelings were about and once it manifested,  I can see the vibrational matches and I just wanted so much to be a deliberate creator and I want so much to get it right and I wanted I wanted so much to get this one thing right that I've wanted for so long."

And we say, you never get it done, and you cannot get it wrong. So you had some experiences that were uncomfortable. We understand that and we do not wish uncomfortable experiences on you. But what we do know is that you've gotta give yourself a break and say, "Hey, I attracted that to me because it was active in my vibration in some way  and now I got the full dose of what was active in my vibration. I think I'm going to do a little cleaning up of my vibration before I let the next one in, you see.


© Abraham-Hicks Publications

Abraham: Whose fault, Infidelity? Part 1

Abraham, Boulder, CO  6/5/2005

Guest: Last we spoke on the Mexican Cruise, you said, you know, if I continue knee-jerk responding then I'd continue to have the same outcome.


So I return from the cruise with my fiancé, turn on the printer one afternoon, and it was already in queue, and this really adorable young lady's profile from Match.com popped out, and I moved out. And I kneejerk reacted, yes. And this is what's really hard for me. Because I still can't wrap my brain, my feelings around that the way ppl treat you is more about you, than it is about them; so my girlfriends, who are psychologists, are really angry with you because they think that you are keeping women, or anybody, but it's like a Battered Woman's Syndrome: well, your created it, you created it, you created it.  It's your fault. And that's why the tears now.

Abraham: They are right to be mad at us because we will not tell you something different than we know. IOW, on the one hand you could say that by us saying to you that you are the creator of your own reality could be blame-pointing, or you could say it is empowering. When you're not getting something that you want, and you feel mad at yourself because you're not getting something you want, we can see how uncomfortable that would be,  but how much more uncomfortable is it to believe that it is someone else's creation, and you can't control what they do?

What was it that you were so angry with him about?

Guest: Well, you know, I did want him to be different. There was drug addiction; there was volatility and abuse, and the gambling, and all this stuff. In the beginning...

Abraham: So was this person a match to the perfect relationship that through time that you have launched into your vibrational escrow?

Guest: I focused on the good in the beginning. And then I...

Abraham: And what happened when you were focused upon the good?

Guest: It felt great.

Abe: And beyond how it felt what happened to the relationship?

Guest: Well...

Abraham: IOW, here's where we're getting at. Sometimes people will say to us, "Abraham, I want a partner, and I want a partner now."  And we say, is that...Stay with us, we're really going to get to where you want to go. We can feel you tuning away, because you think we're dragging you away from where you want to go... But we are just preparing the basis to drag you to where you don't want to go. (audience laughter.)

Some people will say, "But Abraham, I want my partner and I want my partner now." And we say well,  if the now factor is the most important thing to you, and you really emphasize that in your vibration, the Universe is going to match you up quickly, but it will match you up quickly with what's active in your vibration right now. So if you've had past hurts, or past things that you don't like that are still active in your vibration, and you insist that the relationship come now now now now now, when it gets there while you might be thrilled that it came now, as you begin to sort through it, it may not be exactly what you are looking for.

So then we say, as you approach or evaluate some partner, they are multi-faceted, many components. You could become so pure in your vibration of expecting to get from this person what you've been telling the Universe all along that you want,  that if the universe has delivered this person to you, and if your vibration is really in alignment with what you want, this person must be a vibrational match to what you want.

Now people say, "Well, where does free will come in? What if that person doesn't want to be like that?" We say then the Universe would not have brought you together. But what happens is, most of you have got your vibration going all over the place, so it's sort of like a  grab bag of potential experiences that you can have with most people. And so there are things that you love about relationships, and things you hate about relationships,  but we would not have moved out for this reason: we want to say to you in this powerful, powerful way, that if there was so much there that you were feeling satisfied with, and if you could have trained your own vibration into alignment with the parts of that relationship that you like the most,  you could have this wonderful relationship with those parts of this person, but where it gets screwy is...

It's sort of like coming to Boulder and having a wonderful meal at this restaurant next door, and having a good time at a seminar, or wherever, and then being angry with the City of Boulder that every aspect of it could not meet your expectations. And we say, well, the City of Boulder is a diverse place, and so why not just find the parts of it that you do resonate with and live in those parts? But relative to a city you never say, "No, the rest of the city of needs to clean up its act, so that it all pleases me."

We know where you are going with this and we know where your psychologist friends are going with it, and we know where most of the female population, and a small part of the male population on the planet, is going with this, and that is "I should own this person. He should not have thoughts that are other than me. He should not have interests that are outside of me. He should make a commitment only to me."

It is illogical to expect any other human to come wholly to you, and if you could just be thrilled with the parts that are coming to you, larger and larger parts would come to you, but it's defying the Laws of the Universe to want to completely own anyone.

Guest: I so don't feel that I wanted to own him. And..

Abe: Then why did it upset you when a piece of paper came out of a printer that showed...

Guest: It was a culmination of, as I mentioned drug addiction, and abuse, and gambling.  I wanted to look anywhere else...(sic)

Abe: So where are you at here with this?

Guest: I'm heartbroken. I know that I failed myself. I failed him.

Abe: Heartbroken because... I fell in love with parts of a person who had other parts I couldn't fall in love with. You hear that? He needed to be different for me to fall in love with all of the parts of him. Well, how disempowering is that?

Continued with Part 2.


© Abraham Hicks Publications

Abe: Can You Trust Men?

Blogger note: This post is a transcript of an mp3 from twitter.com/AbrahamFan.

Abraham - G-7-24-04

Q: I want to trust men…

A: You don’t want to trust men. You don’t want to trust men. You want to be able to think about men and feel good at the same time. Get rid of that ‘trust’ word; that ‘trust’ word will trip you up. IOW, you want to be able to think of a man, or think of men, or think of yourself with a man, or think of yourself in a relationship with a man, and feel good at the same time. And you have to train yourself to do that. And when you do, one that feels like that can come to you, you see.

There are so many words like ‘love’ and ‘trust’ and ‘worthiness’ that just activate all this chaos in you. And ‘trust’ is really one of those words. How do you trust… We’ll tell you what you can trust. You can trust that law of attraction will match you up with what you’re putting out there.

So instead of saying, ‘I don’t trust men,’ say, ’I’ve been offering a vibration that brings to me stuff I don’t want. I think I’ll change my vibration.’ So now suddenly, it’s not about whether they’re trustworthy or not, it’s about whether you’re practiced in your vibration. Whole different thing, isn’t it?

When you say, ‘No, this isn’t an issue of being able to trust them. This is an issue of me being able to soothe myself into a place that I can let the things in that I want in. I’m in charge of what comes to me.’

You’re right, the opening was for you because you and so many others are saying ‘you need to be different so that I can feel better.’ And we say, ‘Good Luck’ because they don’t owe it to you, they don’t even care about you, and it’s not because they’re bad; it’s because they are selfishly-oriented, too.

You finally got to say, ‘I’m selfishly-oriented. You’re selfishly oriented. I’m selfishly-oriented. You’re selfishly-oriented.’

And then in time you’ll be able to stop saying, ‘You need to do something different. You need to take me into consideration first.‘ Because what you’re saying to them is ‘You have to give up what matters most to you.’

Now there are a lot of churches, there are a lot of social structures that would teach that that’s the way you’re supposed to be, but it goes cross current of the whole nature of the universe. Everyone is oriented from the perspective of self and you care passionately about how you feel.

Feel the difference between saying, ‘You care more about you than you do about me, and that hurts my feelings,’ and saying, ‘You care more about you, than you do me and that’s normal. And I care more about me, than I do about you, and that’s normal.’ And what’s not normal is me thinking that if I care about how you care about me that you’ll be able to change how you care about me so that I will feel better. That’s…. never going to work.

So then you say, ‘Oh, so you care more about your feelings than you do my feelings. Oh yeah… that’s how we all are. Never mind.’

And then you don’t say, ‘I can’t trust you to do what I need you to do,’ you say, ‘I trust you to do what you need to do and I wouldn’t ask you to distort your experience, and do what I need you to do because that can never last; that’s why I’ve concluded that none of you are trustworthy. None of you are willing to give up what is most important to you for me. I’ve been barking up the wrong tree all this time. So what I want to do is just beat the drum of who I am purely and clearly and proudly and the Universe will bring someone to me that matches me. I can trust that.’

(c) Abraham Hicks