Co-Dependent vs Independent Relationships

Abraham-Hicks, Kansas City, MO 9/15/04-B

It is possible for you to be selfishly oriented and care about someone else at the same time, but you can't let what they want matter more to you than what you want, or you are going to get out of balance. Then that's where you start sacrificing, which lays the groundwork for resentment.

Then you find yourself in an adult relationship, like so many adults who have parents and parents who have adult children, and none of them even like each other because their relationship is based on sacrifice and resentment instead of upon balance and alignment and self-sufficiency.

[snip]

Someone who really wants to help really enjoys a needy friend, sort of a nice balance. "I like to help and you like to be helped, so we get along really good together."

But most of you have to acknowledge that the people who make your heart sing the most are those independent, self sufficient beings who aren't dependent upon you for their joy.

When someone says to you, "You need to do something so I can feel better", if there is only one of them, you might take them in as a friend. But if you get a handful of them, then you've got a burdensome crowd hanging around you.

© Abraham-Hicks Publications

Abe to a Guy Stuck in Mom's Basement

Guest:...I still live at home. And right now, I guess I've been wanting to move out, but I haven't taken the action, or the dream, or the thoughts haven't been there to...

ABRAHAM: Well, you feel like you're in a trap. You're not ready to move out, financially, and yet you feel bad about not moving out. And so, any way you look at it, it closes your valve. When you say, "I'm old enough. I should be out on my own," and your mother says, "You're old enough! You SHOULD be out on your own!" then that's a lackful thought that closes your valve! And yet when you think, "OK. I'll move out tomorrow," and you envision yourself out there living in a cardboard box, that closes your valve, too!

And so, what's happening is you're asking too much of the now. What you're wanting to do is start dreaming about moving out. Start envisioning moving out. Start imagining having your own place. Start imagining maybe having a roommate. Start imagining something that is more pleasing than what-is. And, when you spend more time with the vision of what you want, than you are with the reality of what-is, the reality of what-is will shift to the vision. All sorts of things you cannot right now imagine will begin to happen!

Phoenix, AZ 04-26-94